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emtfff129057
03-20-2005, 11:53 AM
The Vibrator.

As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door,
she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within.
Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving
herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she
asked, "What in the world are you doing?"

The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years
old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as
I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave
me alone."

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz
coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door.
Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter
making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query
as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm
thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is
about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please,
go away and leave me alone."

A couple days later, the wife and daughter came home
from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the
kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming
from, of all places, the family room. They entered
that area and observed the husband/father sitting on
the couch, staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to
him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.

The wife asked, "What the hell are you doing?"

The husband replied, "I'm watching the ball game with
my son-in-law.." :eek:
EMT/FF99
03-20-2005, 11:57 AM
:D Opps!!!! :D
Hopewell
03-20-2005, 06:59 PM
Q: What's the best part about having sex with twenty-six year olds?

A: There are twenty of them.

:D
Chia6004
03-20-2005, 07:35 PM
If you are easily offended look away.
















Q. Whats the difference between a rock and a dead baby?


A. You can't f**k a rock.
Rackin A Round
03-22-2005, 12:32 PM
What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a brand new BMW???


I don't have a BMW in my garage!



here's another one for you twisted people hehehe


What is worse than 100 dead babies nailed to a tree?


One dead baby nailed to a 100 trees!
Hopewell
03-23-2005, 01:56 AM
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking as if he'd
just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his
nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's
walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little fella, O'Conner?" says Sean. "He couldn't do
that to you, he must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a
terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself.
Didn't you have something in your hand?"

"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner, and a thing of
beauty she was, but useless in a fight."
medic5
03-23-2005, 11:39 AM
Did you hear about the two irish lovers?

They were Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael!
poe26a
03-30-2005, 01:28 PM
Q: What's the best part about having sex with twenty-six year olds?

A: There are twenty of them.

:D
Hopewell,
You picking up where a certain retired member of your dept left off???
11927
04-01-2005, 06:32 PM
Whats the worst part about eating a vegetable?

























Putting her back in her wheelchair.
STEALTH MODE
04-01-2005, 11:50 PM
A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE African American guy standing next to him. The big guys sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says:
"7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 14 inch penis, 1 pound left testicle, 1 pound right testicle,...Turner Brown."

The small man faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big fellow says, "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guys says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude says, "I saw the curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weight 350 pounds, I have a 14 inch penis, my left testicle weighs 1 pounds, my right testicle weighs 1 pounds and my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Turner Brown?
Thank God! I thought you said "Turn around."
Axesr4choppin
04-02-2005, 03:09 PM
Did you hear about the "Michael Jackson" sale at JC Penny's?

They have little boys pants half off!



How do you know when it's bedtime at the Neverland ranch?

The big hand is on the little hand!